One is good the other sucks

 

I get really excited by watching people grow.  By watching people take on their faith as their own. By watching people fail but have the humility to admit it and seek God’s grace to continue.  I love watching people learn, love and investigate, to see the difference Jesus is making in their lives.

 

But I’m constantly pressured by a variety of forces, my own stupidity and sinfulness chief among them, to sit in my office and do admin, to organise the many activities coming up in the following month, to make sure I’ve got enough people and leaders available to staff our programs…  It’s very draining and it’s not really my strength.  Yet even though it’s draining somehow I actually find it easier.  Even though I dislike it, and I’m not that great at it, I often find myself choosing to organise things or do admin rather than get involved with people.  I seem to do this especially when I’m feeling emotionally or physically drained.

 

So what’s the solution?  I’m unsure.  But now that I’m aware of the problem, I’m working harder at catching up with people when I don’t feel like it.  I’m yet to catch up with someone and not be completely energised, even if the conversation is an awkward or hard one.  I’m also yet to organise a program and feel super good.

 

I think it’s also all related to how much I’m relying on God to provide everything I need to serve him.  When I’m too focused on myself, that’s when I spend hours in my office being ineffective and trying to organise things.  But when I remind myself that I can do nothing and that God can do everything, that’s when I take risks for the Gospel.  That’s when I will make phone calls to people, or organise to meet people, even though the idea is scary, I’m reminded that the benefits are great.

 

It’s so simple when I think about it.  Do these kind of feelings resonate with any other people involved in youth ministry or ministry out there?